Does Not Finding Joy in Motherhood Make You a Bad Mum? 9 Ways to Shift the Narrative and Reconnect

It’s easy to feel guilty when you don’t always find joy in your child’s presence. Society tells us that motherhood should be endlessly fulfilling, but the truth is, it’s exhausting, overwhelming, and sometimes just plain frustrating. Not finding constant joy doesn’t make you a bad mom—it makes you human. However, if you’re feeling disconnected or struggling to enjoy your time with your child, there are ways to shift this narrative. Here are nine things to work on to bring more joy and fulfillment into your parenting experience.

1. Release the Guilt

Guilt doesn’t make you a better mother—it only drains you. Studies show that self-compassion leads to better emotional resilience. Instead of beating yourself up, acknowledge that it’s okay to struggle. No one finds joy in parenting 24/7.

2. Identify What’s Draining You

Is it the constant noise, lack of personal time, or mental load of parenting? Pinpointing your biggest stressors can help you address them directly. Sometimes, it’s not your child but the circumstances around parenting that feel overwhelming.0

3. Prioritize Self-Care Without Guilt

You cannot pour from an empty cup. Even small moments—like enjoying a coffee alone, reading a book, or going for a short walk—can help refill your emotional reserves. Research confirms that self-care leads to better parental patience and engagement.

4. Create Playful, Low-Pressure Moments

Sometimes, we focus so much on structure and responsibility that we forget to just be present. Try engaging in simple, fun activities that don’t feel like another task—dancing in the living room, coloring together, or having a spontaneous picnic.

5. Reframe Your Perspective

Instead of seeing parenting as a job to be done right, try to see it as a series of small, meaningful moments. Shifting from a perfectionist mindset to a more flexible one can help you appreciate the beauty in everyday interactions.

6. Build a Support System

Feeling isolated in motherhood can amplify frustration. Whether it’s friends, family, or a mom group, surrounding yourself with people who understand and support you can make a world of difference. Studies show that parental burnout decreases with social support.

7. Set Boundaries and Ask for Help

If parenting feels like a relentless demand, it’s okay to set boundaries. Whether that means scheduling alone time, asking for help from your partner, or hiring a babysitter, you deserve breaks. A well-rested mom is a better mom.

8. Focus on Connection Over Perfection

Your child doesn’t need a perfect mom—they need a present one. Instead of worrying about doing everything right, focus on small moments of connection: a hug, a laugh, a bedtime story. These moments are what your child will remember.

9. Give Yourself Grace

Parenting is a lifelong journey, not a test you need to ace every day. Some seasons will be harder than others. The fact that you care enough to reflect on this means you are already a good mom.

Not always finding joy in motherhood doesn’t make you unloving or inadequate—it makes you normal. By addressing burnout, prioritizing self-care, and shifting your perspective, you can create more moments of joy, even in the chaos. Motherhood isn’t about being happy every second; it’s about building a meaningful connection with your child while also taking care of yourself.

Love Cass xoxo0