7 Ways to Feel Secure in Your Relationship When You’re Jealous of His Ex, According to a Psychologist

Jealousy in a relationship is more common than we’d like to admit, especially when it involves a partner’s ex. While it’s a natural response, it can harm your sense of security if left unchecked. Here are seven expert-backed strategies to help you overcome jealousy and build a stronger connection with your partner.

1. Identify the Root of Your Jealousy

Psychologists emphasize the importance of self-awareness. Is your jealousy about her appearance, their shared history, or a fear of losing your partner? By pinpointing the cause, you can address the underlying insecurity rather than letting it fester.

2. Reframe Your Perspective

Instead of viewing his past as a threat, see it as part of what shaped the person you love today. A psychologist might suggest thinking, His ex was part of his journey, but I’m the person he chooses to share his present and future with.

3. Avoid Comparison Traps

Social comparison theory shows that comparing yourself to others can harm your self-esteem. Instead of focusing on how you measure up to his ex, remind yourself of your unique qualities. A psychologist would recommend affirming, I bring something to this relationship that no one else can.

4. Build Emotional Intimacy with Your Partner

Psychological research suggests that secure relationships thrive on trust and communication. Share your feelings with your partner in a non-confrontational way. For example, say, Sometimes I feel insecure about your past. Can you reassure me about where we stand? This fosters closeness and mutual understanding.

5. Strengthen Your Self-Worth

Low self-esteem often amplifies jealousy. A psychologist might encourage you to engage in activities that boost your confidence, such as pursuing hobbies, setting personal goals, or practicing daily affirmations like, I am enough just as I am.

6. Practice Mindfulness to Stay Present

Psychologists often recommend mindfulness techniques to combat anxiety about the past. Focus on what’s happening in your relationship now, rather than dwelling on his previous one. Meditation, journaling, or deep-breathing exercises can help redirect your thoughts to the present.

7. Trust Your Partner’s Actions

Trust is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. If your partner has consistently shown love and commitment, allow yourself to believe in his intentions. A psychologist would remind you: Jealousy is about fear, not reality. Trust is about reality, not fear.

Final Thoughts

Jealousy doesn’t have to control your relationship. With self-awareness and open communication, you can work through these feelings and cultivate security. Remember, you’re not just your partner’s choice today—you’re his choice every day. And that’s worth believing in.

Love Cass